Narcissistic abuse refers to a pattern of behaviours exhibited by someone who has narcissistic traits. These traits exist on a spectrum, ranging from mild characteristics to full narcissistic personality disorder.
It can be very difficult to identify, and many people experience this form of abuse without realising it. This is because the abusive person often alternates between manipulation, charm, and harmful behaviour — making the situation confusing and hard to understand.
When it comes to recognising narcissistic abuse, certain red flags are often present. These behaviours usually appear as repeated patterns rather than isolated incidents. It can be helpful to pay close attention to how you feel around the person. People experiencing narcissistic abuse often report feeling confused, frequently “wrong,” fearful, and emotionally drained. Boundaries are rarely respected and are often pushed aside or overridden.
Common hallmarks of narcissistic behaviour include entitlement — expecting special treatment or different rules to everyone else — emotional volatility, and clear double standards. Narcissists often attempt to control or coerce others and manipulate situations to suit their own needs.
Persistent manipulation is also typical. This may include guilt-tripping, denying clear facts to make you question your own judgement, rewriting events, or dismissing your reality through gaslighting.
A lack of empathy is a key feature. Your needs may be minimised, ignored, or treated as an inconvenience. Narcissists often shift blame to avoid taking responsibility for causing distress. One of the most confusing aspects of this dynamic is the sudden shift from early “love bombing” — intense affection and idealisation — to rapid devaluation.
Over time, narcissistic abuse can erode your self-esteem and leave you feeling vulnerable and unsure of yourself.
If you’re beginning to recognise these patterns or feel unsure about your experience, speaking with a trained professional can help. Trauma-informed counselling can support you in understanding what has happened, rebuilding your confidence, and learning how to set healthy boundaries moving forward.
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